no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
