i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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