Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
