Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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