I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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