Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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