Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
