week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
