Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
