The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
