He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
