So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize