i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
