Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
