She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
