dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
