i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
