you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Lo siento on account of my penis...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
