11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
