I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
