All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
