Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Less talking, more tequila
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
