We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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