Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
