you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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