I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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