So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
