so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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