i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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