i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
