HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
