You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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