when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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