Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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