Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
