we made out on top of his cat.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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