Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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