Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
