What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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