I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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