So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
