that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
