Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
