Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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