Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
