last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
