Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
