If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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