The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
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I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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