Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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