Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
