i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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