I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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