Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
