You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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