I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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