just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
