You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
