wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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