I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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