i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize