Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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