I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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