It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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