Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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