I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
