This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
