conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
