good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
