dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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