The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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