Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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