Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
