You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
