Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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